REDNECK MEDECINE

MYRIANE · 02/05/2006, 10h01

Redneck Medicine

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION WITH DOCTOR BUBBA ...

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Beer is also made out of grain. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good deal!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - beer in one hand - pork ribs in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"!!

**chip7** · 02/05/2006, 10h28

c'est un point de vue !!!

Babygirl · 02/05/2006, 13h33

If you believe that...you must be a RedNeck!

AdrenalineRush · 05/05/2006, 15h30

Par contre...ça c'est pas tout à fait fou...:"And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - beer in one hand - pork ribs in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"!!"

02/05/2006, 10h01	#1 (permalink)
MYRIANE World champion Date d'inscription: août 2005 Localisation: Québec Messages: 1 277 Pouvoir de réputation: 8 Reputation: 730 Moto: Sv 650s 2004 le bon JAUNE	REDNECK MEDECINE Redneck Medicine HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION WITH DOCTOR BUBBA ... Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products. Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No, not at all. Beer is also made out of grain. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Bottoms up! Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good deal! Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around! Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - beer in one hand - pork ribs in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"!!

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02/05/2006, 10h28	#2 (permalink)
chip7 Moderateur Date d'inscription: mars 2004 Localisation: Montreal-by-the-beach Messages: 8 208 Pouvoir de réputation: 15 Reputation: 462 Moto: ZX-9r, édition tie-wraps!	c'est un point de vue !!!

02/05/2006, 13h33	#3 (permalink)
Babygirl World champion Date d'inscription: mai 2003 Localisation: St-Zotique Messages: 967 Pouvoir de réputation: 7 Reputation: 17 Moto: Plus rien....pour l'instant!	If you believe that...you must be a RedNeck!

05/05/2006, 15h30	#4 (permalink)
AdrenalineRush World champion Date d'inscription: août 2005 Localisation: Sherbrooke et environs... Messages: 1 241 Pouvoir de réputation: 0 Reputation: 10 Moto: ZX9R '99	Par contre...ça c'est pas tout à fait fou...:"And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - beer in one hand - pork ribs in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"!!"